I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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