Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
