yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
