i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
