I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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