I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize