he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
