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Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
