when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
