drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize