3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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