I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
