I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
