3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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