She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
