I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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