Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I smell stomach acid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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