1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
