apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
