what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
