I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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