Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
