yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
