you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
