it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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