plz talk dirty to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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