If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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