is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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