so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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