They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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