Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
