I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
