I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
