I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
