I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
