I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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