Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize