Sry I called you an 8
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
