dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
