In America we eat man semen.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
