No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
