I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
