I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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