I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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