I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
