3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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