I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
