I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
