Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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