i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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