i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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