on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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