I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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