So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
