You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
