For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
