i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
