Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize