I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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