They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
